The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
