you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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