why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
