I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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