Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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