i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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