We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
