Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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