My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
