my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just found puke in my bra..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
