We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
A bitchslap is in order.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
