I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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