he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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