A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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