that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
