I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
