Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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