dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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