I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
