Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
