When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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