Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
