"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am midnight drunk by noon
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
