So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
