If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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