You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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