Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
