we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
