did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
