yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
