Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
