Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he quoted the bible to break up with me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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