btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
