how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
