apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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