Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
