The maid of honor just puked.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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