I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
