So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
