There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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