need another drink. this is the easiest way
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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