just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
