its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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