Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize