He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He did a backflip because drugs
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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