Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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