remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
