Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
