We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
