My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
