The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I didn't shave. On purpose
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
