We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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