Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
