I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
