Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
