you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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