this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
